


To Lose You

by franks_pants



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Camelot, M/M, Magic, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2017-12-27 23:17:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franks_pants/pseuds/franks_pants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Was it a good sign if someone reacted the exact opposite of how they're supposed to? Merlin didn't know, but he couldn't take this anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: this is the bbc's interpretation of these characters and i don't own them etc.
> 
> Concrit is more than welcome!

"Arthur, I have something to tell you." His heart was pounding; he was sweating and he couldn't breathe.

"What's the matter with you, Merlin? You look positively ill." Arthur said, looking briefly over his shoulder, too busy gathering his things for later that night.

"It's important, could you stop a moment?"

"I highly doubt it's as important as my coronation. Would you help me here, please?" He was getting annoyed now, they both were. Merlin made no move to help Arthur, whose arms were full of pieces of his armour.

"Merlin-"

"No! Arthur, I have to - I have magic."

At once there was a clatter as Arthur's armour fell to the floor. He couldn't tell if it was from the sudden noise or the excess blood flow to his head but he couldn't hear anything. He couldn't hear Arthur screaming at him to get out, to leave Camelot forever.

Or maybe that's because he wasn't shouting. He was just standing there, staring. Was it a good sign if someone reacted the exact opposite of how they're supposed to? Merlin didn't know, but he couldn't take this anymore.

He turned and ran from the room, the blood in his ears making him feel dizzy. He couldn't stay in the castle in case Arthur came to his senses and had him arrested. 

Slowing his pace to avoid suspicion, Merlin left the walls of the citadel and entered the forest. It wasn't until he was slumped under a tree that he started crying.

 

*

 

Arthur got dressed by himself that night. It was the most important night of his life and he couldn't afford to allow his feelings to distract him. He couldn't think like that at all. For the first time in his life he felt truly alone. He had lost his father, his sister and now-

But this night was too important, for he was to be crowned king of Camelot. He made his way to the hall with a strange pit in his stomach. The ceremony was uneventful, blurred into the rest of the night until Arthur was waking up the next morning with no memory of actually getting into bed. He felt empty but didn't understand why. Merlin was just a servant, he was an idiot. He shouldn't matter so much. 

"Sire, have you seen Merlin? He didn't come home last night." 

"No, sorry Gaius, I actually haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon. Knowing him, he probably spent the night in the tavern." Arthur chuckled, hoping it wasn't obvious that he'd barely slept last night.

"Hm. That must be it." He turned to leave, "It was an excellent ceremony last night. Your father would be very proud."

"Thank you." Arthur said, even though Gaius had already left.

 

*

 

Merlin woke up, cold and uncomfortable, his back aching. Looking back on it, he felt that running away and sleeping in the woods was a bit drastic when Arthur hadn't even gotten angry. He needed to talk to Gaius, figure out what to do. He stood up, stretched, and began the walk back into the citadel.

"I bet Gaius told Arthur I spent the night in the bloody tavern."

The house was empty when he arrived. Assuming Gaius was out treating a patient, Merlin sat down at the table and waited. He didn't eat anything even though he hadn't since yesterday. He wasn't hungry.

When the door opened, Merlin stood up.

"I was just out looking for you." Gaius looked concerned, but casual.

"Really?"

"Yes. You missed an important night, what happened?"

"Gaius, I need to ask your advice."

"What happened?" Gaius insisted.

"I told Arthur." Merlin's words were almost too quiet to hear. 

Gaius didn't freeze like Arthur did, he just sighed. "That was foolish."

"I don't regret it," Merlin hesitated, "He's King now, I couldn't keep lying, he needed to know."

"There was a pause when what Merlin really wanted to say hung between them, making the air thick.

"Do you think he'll execute me?" he said instead.

"Merlin," Gaius sighed again, "If he wanted to do that, he would have already."

 

*

 

"Gaius, have you found him yet-" Arthur stopped in the doorway of the physician's chambers. Gaius wasn't there; Merlin was leaning against the edge of the table in the middle of the room. It was midday and the sun shone through the window onto his dark hair. He didn't say anything. Arthur found this new silent Merlin very unsettling.

"You didn't show up for work this morning."

"I didn't think you'd want me to." At this, Arthur couldn't say he was shocked. After his father's death he had made his opinions about magic very clear.

"Look, I don't care that you have magic!" Merlin looked stunned. Perhaps he hadn't expected Arthur to address the situation so directly. Arthur hadn't expected himself to, either. "I'm not going to arrest you."

Merlin didn't say anything. Arthur never thought he would hate him being so quiet.

"You're a loyal servant, and - and a good friend. And even though you're an absolute idiot I don't want to lose you."

Merlin's eyes shot up and met his.

He took a step forward. "Please come back to work tomorrow."

Merlin dropped his gaze again, looking troubled. Arthur took another step forward. He needed to show him he was serious.

Even after facing countless battles he'd still never been so scared in his life. Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Merlin's, then he turned and left.

Still Merlin said nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

When he woke up the next morning, Merlin debated not going to work and running away to the woods again. But then Gaius knocked on his door, telling him to get up, and he came to his senses. He got out of bed. 

Breakfast was eaten in quiet thought, the events of the previous night playing over in Merlin's mind until they became warped and he wasn't sure what had really happened.

When Merlin carried the King's breakfast to his chambers, Arthur was already awake and dressed. 

"You know, I've had to do a lot of dressing by myself these past few days, Merlin, I can't say I like it."

"Sorry." That was the only thing he could think to say as he placed the tray of food on the table.

"Well, it's your usual chores today. Start with my armour, I need it by noon for the training session."

"Yes, sire." He opened the door to leave.

"And Merlin," Arthur called, "don't forget my boots."

Merlin sighed at the long, familiar day ahead of him. He wasn't surprised that nothing had changed; he was surprised at how relieved he felt.

 

*

 

Over the next few days Arthur threw himself into training with his knights. He felt the need to prove himself as a military leader now that he was king; he couldn't have anyone thinking he wasn't as tough as his father. Besides that, he would be lying if he said he didn't want to impress his uncle with how well he was doing when he returned to Camelot. 

In actuality he wasn't doing well at all. He was haunted by his father's death, and by Merlin's confession. He'd lied when he said he didn't care that Merlin had magic - he'd only said that because he didn't want him to leave. It seemed so strange, how could Merlin, of all people, have magic? He couldn't process it.

At least all the extra training meant he was exhausted enough by the end of the day to get some sleep - though not much.

Arthur thought he was hiding it well, no one had commented or given him strange looks. During training he pushed himself so hard that no one could question his performance. Then Gaius had offered to make him a sleeping draught.

"I don't have shadows under my eyes, that's merely a trick of the light."

"Of course, sire, my mistake."

When he found the sleeping draught next to his bed that night he took it without question. It helped a little.

 

*

 

It was the end of another day, a week after Merlin had spent the night in the forest. He had just cleared away Arthur's dinner plate and was preparing him for bed. This past week Merlin had felt awkward helping him dress but Arthur hadn't seemed to notice, treating it the same as everything else: as if nothing had changed.

"Come on, Merlin, stop staring off into space." Arthur snapped.

"Sorry."

"And stop saying sorry all the time, it's getting on my nerves."

"Sorry."

At this they shared a laugh and for a moment it was just like before but as soon as this thought entered Merlin's mind the awkward feeling returned. This time, Arthur seemed to be aware of it. Merlin didn't know what to do, the tension in the room was high.

"Will that be all, sire?" He wanted to leave, badly. 

"Yes, thank you." Arthur was looking anywhere but at him.

Merlin headed for the door, his footsteps loud on the stone floor. Just as his hand was reaching for the handle he suddenly became aware of the presence behind him. With a gasp he turned around and Arthur pressed him against the heavy, wooden door. Before he could think what was happening Arthur was kissing him again, long enough this time for Merlin to kiss him back. 

Arthur drew back, cleared his throat and said, "Goodnight, Merlin." Before walking quickly back to his bed.

"Goodnight, Arthur." Merlin slipped out the door, walking quickly then breaking into a run all the way back to his chambers.


	3. Chapter 3

They were still pretending nothing had happened between them. This, Merlin thought, was for the best as he didn't particularly like the idea of being stoned to death. 

Merlin was watching Arthur finish his breakfast when there was a knock on the door, causing a flare of guilt inside him. He shook himself - he was being ridiculous - and opened the door. It was Gwen.

"Agravaine's returned. He awaits Arthur in the throne room."

"Thank you." He closed the door behind her and relayed the news to Arthur, who quickly piled the last of his food in his mouth.

"At last! I was beginning to think he was never coming back."

They met Agravaine in the throne room, a few guards and knights standing along the sidelines. He was looking windswept, dressed in all black as usual. 

"Uncle," Arthur shook his hand, "We had expected you back this time yesterday."

"My apologies sire, I'm ashamed to say I lost my way following the wrong part of the river. I hope I didn't cause you any worry."

"None at all," Arthur chuckled, "I told you, you ought to have taken some men with you."

"Perhaps you were right, sire." Agravaine replied, both of them smiling now. Something seemed off; Merlin got the sense Agravaine was lying. He couldn't think of any reason why he seemed so false and Arthur didn't look as if he'd noticed anything was wrong. 

Merlin stopped listening as their talk turned to business and looked around for something interesting to stare at. He could see Gwaine on the other side of the room doing the same thing.

 

*

 

There was a standard council meeting in the late afternoon, nothing of real importance was being said. Arthur was addressing his senior knights who were seated around him at the table. Merlin stood along the edge of the room with the other servants, directly in Arthur's line of sight. 

As if sensing his gaze, he looked up and met the King's eyes. Arthur lost the ability to speak halfway through a sentence.

"Sire? Is everything-" Leon began.

"No! Yes, er-" Arthur cleared his throat, " Where was I..." 

He was blushing as he finished talking and barely paid attention to the rest of the meeting. The next time he caught Merlin's eye, Arthur hastily looked away and cleared his throat roughly, which caused him to start coughing so much that Merlin had to fetch some water. 

"Are you alright, sire?" Leon looked concerned now.

"Actually, I'm not feeling too well." It was only half a lie.

"Perhaps you should rest for the day, sire." Someone interjected.

"Yes, perhaps. Meeting adjurned." 

There were a few murmurs and confused faces as Arthur stood up and made his exit. No one had actually expected him to submit to something as feeling slightly unwell. Normally Arthur refused to step back, whether in a battle or a mundane council meeting. He knew it was out of character, but he needed to be alone. He hoped they would assume he was taking more care with his health now that he was king.

Merlin walked with him in silence until they reached the door of his chambers.

"Is there anything I can get you?" he asked, oddly polite. As if he had chosen now of all times to start being a good servant.

"No. Just finish your chores in the stables... and the armoury."

"Will that be all?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you don't need-"

"No, Merlin! Now get going." Arthur cut him off, impatient to retreat to his bedroom.

Merlin, looking taken aback, bowed his head slightly and left. Only a few minutes later Gaius knocked on the door, most likely sent by the incessant manservant. He gave Arthur a sleeping draught and asked if he needed anything else since he wasn't feeling well.

"No thank you, Gaius, this will be sufficient."

Gaius, unlike Merlin, could sense when it was time to leave. He nodded at Arthur and left with a small frown on his face.

Arthur locked the door and spent the rest of the day alternating between laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling; and pacing the entire length of the room. Eventually the sun took pity on him and set, so he downed the sleeping draught and hoped for a restful night.

 

*

 

When Arthur said 'finish your chores in the armoury' he usually meant 'clean the whole room and polish everything you can reach'. Merlin had to assume this time was no different and so set to work. Of course, just to make his life easier, there were knights coming in and out all the time so he couldn't think about using magic.

He arrived home that night exhausted and aching. He ate his dinner already half asleep and didn't acknowledge Gaius frowning at him the whole time. He had taken to doing that a lot recently. When he finally crashed into bed he fell asleep almost immediately. 

When he woke up the next morning Merlin brought Arthur his breakfast and helped him dress as if everything was normal. He kept telling himself it was for the best.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two weeks since Merlin had confessed to having magic, and Arthur realised he hadn't actually stopped to think what that meant. Things had been awkward lately, with both avoiding the other resulting in a general lack of conversation between them. 

Merlin was always saying that he'd saved Arthur's life more frequently than he appreciated, and Arthur had always laughed it off. To think that he was serious... He tried to imagine Merlin casting a spell or brewing a potion but he couldn't. The images brought to his mind were ridiculous. It was _Merlin_. How could Merlin be a sorcerer? Sorcerers were evil. That was the lesson that had been drilled into his head since the day he was born. His father's legacy was the knowledge that magic is evil. 

Did that mean that Merlin was evil? If he wanted to use his powers to kill Arthur, he'd already had a multitude of opportunities. No, somehow he didn't think Merlin was even capable of being evil.

Perhaps his father was wrong. It felt blasphemous to even think that but it was possible. Arthur couldn't deny that the majority of sorcerers he'd met had bad intentions, but that couldn't possibly be true for all of them. 

The Druids were the first example that came to mind, but unfortunately they were the only one.

He'd found himself thinking for some time now that his father had gone too extreme. He had thought that simply having the ability to practice magic was sinful, but maybe Arthur disagreed. A new thought had occurred recently: perhaps it shouldn't be whether or not you have it, it should be what you use it for that you get judged on.

Arthur was the first to admit he didn't know much about magic, and that needed to change. 

He had to find out more. 

 

 

*

 

 

Merlin was helping Gaius prepare a treatment for a nobleman when Arthur flung the door open, breathing heavily. It was early evening, not an unusual time for Merlin to be helping Gaius rather than his King.

"Gaius, could you excuse us for a moment, please?" he said apologetically. Gaius didn't say anything, just looked at Merlin then bowed his head at Arthur and left. Arthur closed the door, which was strange, and stared at Merlin, who felt his heartbeat speed up. 

"You have magic."

Confused, Merlin thought they had already established that. He hoped it wasn't his imagination that Arthur seemed to say it with a sort of acceptance, maybe they were finally getting somewhere. 

" _You_ have magic." Now he was shrewd.

"Alright, there's no need to get insulting." Merlin snapped back lightly, it lifted the tension in the room slightly. 

Arthur didn't respond, just stared at him as if thinking a thousand things at once. People were doing that a lot today, and Merlin was caught between annoyed and worried. 

"Just promise me you've never done anything bad with it." He sighed, his posture becoming more casual.

"I swear," Merlin looked him in the eyes, "I only ever used magic to save your life... and occasionally to do my chores."

At this, Arthur crossed the room and smacked Merlin over the head. He knew it was only meant in fun.

He caught Arthur's hand in the air and looked up into his eyes. They were standing very close together now. 

"How many times have you saved my life without me knowing?" Arthur breathed, gaze fixed on their hands.

"Too many to count." Merlin whispered back. He brought his other hand up and lifted Arthur's chin until their eyes met. There was a pause in which neither of them moved, then Merlin slowly leaned forward, moving his hand from his chin to the back of his head and kissed him deeply. 

There was a knock on the door.

 

 

*

 

 

Arthur's heart was thumping so hard he could hear it outside his body. He jumped about a foot in the air and took a few hasty steps away from Merlin who was looking equally panicked. He straightened his shirt and cleared his throat while Merlin opened the door to reveal Sir Leon, with Gaius standing behind him, frowning but looking deliberately calm.

"Sire, you're needed urgently before the council."

Arthur's heart gave another jump and he had to tell himself that there was no way they could know. He followed his friend out of the room, passing by a still frowning Gaius, making him feel strangely guilty.

_There's no way they could know._

_There's no way they could know._

"What is the nature of this emergency?" He asked Leon as they walked, trying to ignore his still thumping heart beat. It was all he could do to get the throbbing chant of _Merlin_ out of his head, so loud he found himself casting worried glances at Leon to see if he could hear it. 

"The scout has returned with grave news. He refused to disclose his findings to anyone but the king, Sire."

That had only been a routine scouting party, they weren't supposed to actually find anything. Arthur's stomach dropped, there was no way that there was good news waiting for him. 

 

 

*

 

 

"Leon looked very serious, did he tell you what's going on?" Merlin tried to adopt a casual tone but Gaius just stood there with his arms folded, frowning at him. Merlin was flitting around the room, cleaning things away, tidying up the table. "I do hope it's nothing too serious-"

"Merlin."

Merlin stopped moving and sighed. Gaius knew him too well.

"What's going on between you and Arthur?"

Guilt and dread flared up inside him but he forced himself to stay calm.

"Nothing." As if that was going to convince anyone.

"You're not fooling me, Merlin! First you tell Arthur you have magic and disappear for a whole night, then Arthur stops sleeping and now he's bursting in here demanding to have private conversations with you? What's going on?"

Of course, he was concerned about the magic. With what had been growing between him and Arthur, Merlin had actually found it easy to forget all about telling Arthur he had magic. It didn't even seem important anymore. But something else did-

"Arthur hasn't been sleeping?"

"Not very much I'm afraid," Gaius allowed, "he's hiding it well, but I think he sometimes forgets I've known him since birth."

Merlin felt yet more guilt, he hadn't noticed Arthur was losing sleep. He seemed to be doing fine in the training sessions.

"Don't think you can distract me that easily. What did Arthur want to talk to you about just now?" Gaius narrowed his eyes and Merlin sighed. 

"I think he's beginning to accept that I have magic. He's mostly been ignoring it, pretending he doesn't know, but I think he realised that this whole time I've been saving his life without him even knowing it. I think he feels grateful." He hadn't realised that until he'd said it, but now he knew it to be true. 

"You don't think he'll arrest you, then?"

"I know he won't."

Gaius didn't say anything, just looked at Merlin.

He wasn't frowning anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur breathed deeply as he ran his hand over his face. His knights stood stoney faced around the table, looking at the few maps strewn across it, then up at him expectantly.

"We've received reports from the lower town, four mysterious deaths in the past week." Leon addressed him.

"We'll have Gaius examine the bodies." Arthur stared at the maps, willing them to make sense of the situation. "What news of the scouting party?" 

"Only one of three returned, sire." Leon looked up at a disheveled knight standing on the other side of the table. He bowed his head at Arthur.

"Sire," he began, "We were making our way though the forest when we came across a suspicious figure in black - a witch, we assumed. When we ordered her to halt she attacked us with magic. Only I escaped." He looked down, almost ashamed to have survived while his comrades did not.

"We must find out who this sorceress is so she can be brought to justice."

"I know who it was, sire, I saw her face."

"Who?"

"The Lady Morgana."

He couldn't have been that shocked, but there was still a dead ring in Arthur's ears at hearing that name. He knew Morgana wouldn't stay silent for long, it had been a temporary peace after Uther's death.

In these situations, it was necessary to make decisions quickly. The eyes of those around the room watched as he stared at the maps intently, thinking. He didn't want to do it, as much as he wanted more time to think, there wasn't any - not where Morgana was concerned - it had to be done. This is what it meant to be king.

"We ride at dawn."

 

*

 

Merlin was waiting outside the door when Arthur came out of council. Leon's serious tone made him think he might be needed, and it seemed he was right. Even though he had heard the footsteps and seen the door opening, he still gave a start when Arthur emerged. It was at once clear that a very grave situation had arisen.

"What's going on?"

"Morgana's revealed herself," Arthur didn't stop, knowing that Merlin would follow, "Prepare the horses, we need to be ready to leave by dawn."

Morgana.

Merlin knew the guilt that Arthur felt over her. He blamed himself for everything she did, every life she took weighed so heavily on him. 

Arthur was walking so fast that Merlin had trouble keeping up. The time it took to reach his chambers was lessened by their pace and Merlin spent the whole trip calling after him, trying to get him to stop and listen. They only halted after he had flung the door open, and Merlin had carefully closed it behind them.

"Arthur - you can't go."

"You say that every time and yet I appear to still be alive."

"I know but I'm serious this time. Morgana's dangerous-"

"I'm well aware, Merlin! That's why we need to stop her."

Arthur was growing more distraught with every word that passed between them. Merlin had never seen him like this before; it worried him.

He refused to give up though - he had to convince him. Morgana would never allow herself to be seen by a simple scouting party unless she wanted to be. She wouldn't have allowed one of them to live unless she wanted the whole story delivered back to Arthur. It was a trap, wasn't that obvious?

Well, it wasn't to Arthur. Merlin tried to make him see sense, listed all the reasons they shouldn't go until the two of them were shouting at each other with all they had, Arthur's wild gestures reaching dangerous levels.

"Why do you have to be so arrogant? Why can't you just-" Merlin made the mistake of reaching out for Arthur, who pushed him away, hard. He was caught off guard, not expecting such a forceful shove. With nothing to steady himself against, he fell, landing painfully on his elbow and left side, head smacking against the stone floor.

For a moment he just lay there, gasping to get his breath back. Then he looked at the man who stood above him with such a strong expression of shock and shame - it was more painful than anything he could feel physically.

It wasn't Arthur anymore.

 

*

 

"Merlin, I-"

Arthur had never been so disgusted with himself. Sure, he hit Merlin all the time but that was always as a joke and never did any damage. Now Merlin was having trouble getting up off the floor. A wave of shame ran through him. Dropping to his knees beside his servant he tried to fight off the damned tears that were threatening him with their presence.

"I'm so sorry."

Merlin didn't say anything. There was a pause where they just stared at each other, then Arthur leaned forward and carefully wrapped his arms around Merlin.

"It's my fault" His voice cracked, "It's all my fault."

"It's not-" Merlin tried. 

"It is. It's my fault she's out there killing people and it's my fault you're - you're-" he couldn't finished as he choked on sobs. He felt absolutely awful to be crying in front of his servant - to be crying at all.

They held each other on the floor for a while as Arthur struggled to regain control of himself, then Merlin made a move as if he wanted to get up. Arthur stood up first and helped him to his feet, noticing that he put all his weight on his right foot.

"Can you walk?"

"I think so," he took a step and faltered, "oops, no, I can't." His left leg buckled and Arthur had to step in closer to steady him.

"What is it?"

"My hip."

"For God's sake, you old man. Come on, then." He easily picked him up and carried him to the bed. "You won't make it all the way back to your chambers and I'm not carrying you that far." He was blushing, but hoped that in the growing dark it wasn't visible.

They both removed their shoes, jackets, belts, and got under the blankets. Without a word Merlin lay down and Arthur put his arms around him so that his head rested on his chest.

"You shouldn't blame yourself for Morgana being what she is."

"Yes I should. She's my responsibility, always has been."

Merlin made a noise as if he wanted to argue but didn't have the energy, and of course a fresh cloud of guilt and realisation at what he'd done hit him. He looked at the top of Merlin's head below his chin, then had to look away again.

"You're the King," Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin's attempt, hoping he was going somewhere with that, "You're responsible for a lot of things, but not her. Only she must live with her actions."

The darkness weighed on his eyes and the silence prickled in his ears.

"When we were just children, Morgana fell and cut her knee on a rock. It barely bled and she barely cried but my father got so upset over it. He scolded me for allowing it to happen, because we had been playing together. He told me that day that I was responsible for her."

His whole face was prickling now with the weight of his words. If memory served, he'd never talked about this with anyone before.

There was the rustle of movement between the sheets and the blankets, and Merlin's hand found his, a warmth, a comfort.

"She's not the King's ward anymore."

"But she's still my sister. You see now why I have to go?"

"I understand." He whispered.

 

*

 

The pain woke him up. Merlin hadn't wanted to do a healing spell in front of Arthur when he was still getting used to the idea of his magic. Instead he thought it best to wait until Arthur fell asleep, but had accidentally fallen asleep himself.

Merlin concentrated on his left elbow, and muttered the incantation. At once he felt relief all up his arm. Next he turned his attention to his hip. Running his hand up and down his left side - while still moving as little as possible so as not to disturb Arthur, he breathed the incantation again.

It improved immensely, although there was still a dull ache down his side. Merlin was too tired to do anything more; he snuggled back down to Arthur and went back to sleep.

His last thought before he drifted off was that he hoped the morning never came.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late, i have exams coming up, you know how it is

The sun hadn't yet risen when Arthur opened his eyes. The bed was warm, and made more so by the presence next to him. It was comfortable, and the last thing he wanted to do was get up, but still he forced himself.

"Merlin," he said, stretching, "Merlin!"

There was no response, not even a twitch.

"Wake up, you idiot!" Arthur smacked him on the head. He woke up.

"You will take any chance you get to injure me, won't you?" Merlin croaked, spiteful in his sleepy state.

"It's my sole purpose in life." 

Arthur watched carefully as Merlin put his feet on the floor and walked around the bed towards him. It was a relief.

"Hey, you can walk." He smiled.

"Of course I can, I'm not just going to sit around waiting for my body to heal itself, am I?" Merlin said in the tone Arthur usually used on him when explaining something utterly obvious. Now that he thought about it, it should have been. Then it clicked.

"Hang on," Arthur paused, "If you could just heal yourself with magic...  _why didn't you?"_

"Uh, I did, remember? I thought we just-"

"No." He paused again, drawing it out, watching for the exact moment when Merlin caught on. "Why didn't you heal yourself  _right away?"_ He tried his best to look seething, a difficult task when Merlin's face actually fell. He looked stunned, then thoughtful, then sheepish.

"Well," he began, but didn't get any further as Arthur lept at him with an open palm, ready to smack the shit out of him. He chased him around the room, feeling dubious the whole time, until he eventually caught him from behind. With one arm he held Merlin tight against his chest while the other knuckled over his head, messing up his already awful bed hair. 

"Arthur, let go - !" Merlin struggled in his grip, trying to get away, catching Arthur's words every now and then.

"- carrying you around and- "

"- felt  _so_ awful, you- "

"- useless bloody wizard- "

Merlin finally broke free, slipping under his arm. Arthur made no move to chase after him, they both just stood panting and staring at each other until they burst out laughing. It wasn't until they'd calmed down that Merlin straightened his hair and brushed down his shirt.

"Honestly, it didn't occur to me to use magic until we were already..." He gestured to the bed, "And I wasn't sure if you'd actually be comfortable with me using magic in front of you, you know..." Merlin looked sheepish again, avoiding his eyes and toeing at the ground.

"You're an idiot, I'll have you know."

"Come on," he said, smiling and unperturbed, "we need to eat something before we leave or you won't have the strength to keep up your arrogance."

"I am sorry about last night."

"I know."

 

*

 

The bustle of preparing to leave was different this time. The knights gathered their weapons and supplies in silence. No one spoke as the horses were readied and the small army assembled in the courtyard. Merlin watched as 40 knights in armour lined up, awaiting the King and the signal to leave. 

Arthur emerged and took his place in front of his men. The sun had just risen and it reflected off his armour, his cape fluttering slightly in the early wind. Merlin hoped he wasn't staring  _too_ hard.

It was amazing to watch Arthur when he was in full King mode - proud and strong. It was undeniable. 

The order was given and they set off; Arthur leading, Merlin close behind him and the knights following.

Merlin thought it unfair that he had to charge into the same battles as everyone else, except he had to do it with no training, unarmed and without any protective gear. Yet somehow he was expected to come out alive every time? If it wasn't for his magic, he would have died years ago. Then again, if it wasn't for his magic he wouldn't be in this job in the first place. 

Their positioning in procession changed depending on the terrain, the width of the path - when they were on one. Merlin spent most of that day's travel riding alongside Arthur. The usual conversation about the weather was exchanged, but little else. 

It was a day and a half's ride to reach the spot where the scouts had been attacked. Merlin could tell the King was nervous and impatient as he only allowed the party to rest briefly, twice throughout the whole day. He was pushing them.

They didn't stop to set up camp until after dark. They hadn't bothered to bring tents given the weather and the length of the journey. It would be pointless, just another thing to carry. 

Despite the serious tone of the journey so far, Gwaine proved to be his usual self during dinner. He made jokes and actually managed to keep a conversation going between the men. He talked avidly with Percival about foods and soon Merlin found himself laughing along and enjoying himself. Of course, it would take more than that to amuse Arthur. While he did lighten up considerably, Merlin could see he was still stressed. It was written in the way he carried himself. The tightness of his back and jaw. 

Merlin didn't like seeing him like this. 

 

*

 

Arthur couldn't help but feel so worried about this mission. They didn't know what they were heading towards - that's what scared him the most. To face bandits, sorcerers, even whole armies was simple - he knew what he was up against. Even knowing he was walking into a trap was less troubling because at least their was something to expect.

Morgana could be planning anything with any number of allies or creatures at her command. 

_Why had she revealed herself? What was she planning?_

It was highly irregular to send a party of this size based on a single scout's sighting, but this was different. This was Morgana, and she was dangerous. 

That's why Arthur was so uneasy when he lay down to rest that night. He noticed Merlin lay next to him slightly closer than normal, but not close enough for anyone else to pick up on it. 

"What's wrong, Arthur?" he whispered.

"I feel I've sent my men to their deaths."

"Don't you always feel like that?" Merlin smiled, teasing.

"Oh, shut up Merlin, I'm serious." he scowled. 

"Sorry."

"I've never felt like that before. I've always been so confident that nothing could defeat us."

"So what's different?"

"Morgana." Arthur turned his head to look at the man beside him. Merlin was laying on his side, facing him. For a while they didn't say anything, just looked at each other, at the knights now asleep, at their hands creeping towards middle ground. 

 

*

 

Merlin woke up the next morning. Many others were not so lucky. 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes before a jolt of adrenaline ran through him, waking him up properly. The scene laid out on the ground was the stuff of nightmares.

The two knights that had been keeping watch were skewered to a tree, suspended by large spears sticking out of their chests. Their feet a few inches above the ground, silent screams masked their faces.

The ground was chaos. 20 men lay dead with identical weapons pinning them down. Those left alive were staggering around, unsure of what to do with the shock of waking up next to a dead man. 

"Why would she do this?" Arthur's voice was so small. Merlin turned to look at him. His face was furious. Merlin felt sick.

"Why not take out all of us when she had the chance?"

Merlin swallowed, he knew why. Somehow, he knew exactly what she was thinking by doing this, he always had.

"I just don't understand." Arthur shook his head, eyes not moving from the atrocity in front of him.

"She wanted to weaken us. She didn't just kill you because that would be too easy. She wants to have fun with you, make you suffer."

Arthur sighed, "She always did like to play with her food."

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur insisted they bury the bodies. He could tell Leon wanted to argue about the time that would set them back, but he didn't say anything. It was important and they all understood that. 

It was after midday when the task was finished, and they sat down to rest, panting. "We shouldn't stay here too long. It's dangerous, Morgana knows where we are." Arthur said, his authoritative voice contrasting his troubled features. 

"And we've still got half a days ride ahead, we don't want to lose daylight." Leon added. 

Arthur smiled slightly, he knew Leon couldn't hold it in for long.

"I suppose we're lucky to be alive,' Percival said, "Morgana seemed to just kill those men at random."

"No, everything she does is thought through, there's a reasoning behind this." Gwaine said, frowning. There was silence for a moment while they thought about that. Arthur didn't like it - as if his men were just pieces in Morgana's game.

"She left the strongest, most skilled knights. Those of higher rank, closest to the King." Merlin spoke up. They all turned to look at him and realized he was right. Most looked thoughtful, Gwaine even looked doubtful. Arthur supposed none of the knights would have thought of that because they didn't think of themselves in that way.

"Well she also left the servant, though for the life of me, I can't figure out why." Arthur stood up to start gathering supplies, Merlin smiled and followed him. They would have to leave as soon as possible. 

Arthur checked his weapons and readied his horse in silence. He didn't know what to do. It was his fault those men died; they were his men.

He sent two knights back to Camelot to inform Agravaine of what had happened. It wasn't really necessary, but it would mean two less men facing Morgana, and two less deaths he would be responsible for. 

 

*

 

They were almost packed and ready to leave. Merlin was crouched by the stream a little ways from the group collecting water when he heard someone approaching. He turned around, suddenly nervous. It was Gwaine, collecting water for himself.

"You know what you said before?" He started casually, "You're a lot smarter than Arthur gives you credit for."

"Thank you." Merlin said, confused and a little touched. He wanted to know what Gwaine was thinking, why he had gotten him out of earshot of everyone else.

"Look, I saw you and Arthur... holding hands last night?" He said, looking away and squinting as if he wasn't sure about the memory.

Merlin's heart was racing, he'd thought everyone was asleep. That was foolish.

"I think you're mistaken. You must have been very tired." Merlin tried to pull off casual, as if he even found it funny, but it didn't work when he was suddenly sweating and blushing.

"You know what, you're right. It was dark, I don't know what I saw." It was obvious Gwaine didn't mean that, but he turned his attention back to the water, leaving Merlin dazed. He stood there, frozen in confusion for a moment, waiting for Gwaine to jump up and and start accusing him. When that didn't happen, he turned and started walking away.

"You should be careful, Merlin." The knight called after him, giving him a fright. He twitched, but kept walking. It wasn't meant as a threat, merely a warning, but it still sounded like one.


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of the journey was solemn and silent. They didn't stop to rest, and no one dared complain. It was sunset when Arthur and his remaining knights reached the spot where Morgana had been seen, marked out by the bodies of the scouts, days old. Besides them, there was no one there, not that Arthur had expected any different. "Spread out, scan the area. Look for any traces of her, any signs to show she was here."

The men scattered, eyes to the ground looking for tracks, or searching the trees for scraps of clothing. There was nothing there, just their own footprints. 

"She's been here, I can sense it." Merlin said quietly to Arthur, looking around to make sure no one was listening. Arthur was about to snap and ask how he could possibly sense that and why he was whispering, it was ridiculous, but then he remembered. Merlin's magic. He wished he could stop being reminded of that. Every time it came back to him it sent a jolt to his stomach - he wasn't sure what it was, betrayal or guilt.

"It doesn't make sense," Arthur said, "If she knew we were coming shouldn't she be here waiting for us?" he kicked up some leaves hoping they might be concealing tracks. They weren't.

"I don't know," Merlin sighed, "I can't think what she could be planning." 

"Well, she's out here somewhere, we found that out after last night."

"But where do we look?" Merlin's question was directed at Arthur but he was staring at something in the distance. Arthur tried to find what had caught his eye, but couldn't make out anything distinct. A cry of pain and a clash of metal came from the direction they were staring. Arthur still couldn't see what exactly it was, but he took off sprinting towards it immediately. 

The sight of Elion cradling one arm and battling with the other came into view. He was fighting a bandit - dirty, dressed in brown and leather. More of them appeared from behind the trees, from every direction. They were being attacked, and they were surrounded.

Shouting orders to his men, Arthur drew his sword and cut down the nearest enemy. There was no time to think who they were or what they wanted. He continued in this way, slashing and stabbing anyone who got too close. It was dark now, but he could clearly see two, three of his men fall. 

 

*

 

Merlin's battle routine was no different this time. He darted between the fighters, trying to evade any swords aimed for his head. He kept watch over Arthur, using his magic to throw off anyone coming up behind him.

Arthur was an excellent military leader. During a fight he could remain focused enough to not lose his head and forget everyone around him. He yelled orders to his knights, helping them in any way he could while darting around in that swift way of his. 

His only fault lay in that in his excellent combat skills and leadership, he couldn't always find time to check there was no one coming up behind him, which there often was.

That was where Merlin came in. He dropped branches, heated up swords or tripped people up to get rid of them, making it look like an accident. 

The battle wasn't progressing in their favour. Merlin counted seven of their side dead on the ground, the survivors still fighting bravely, but wavering. They couldn't retreat because there were bandits on every side - there was no where to run. More kept appearing through the trees, in the dark Merlin could only just see their faces looking smug in the knowledge they were winning. 

Merlin fought off a bandit about to attack Arthur, but just as he did so another came from the side. A yelp made him turn around.

The attacker lay dead on the ground, but Arthur was clutching his side and breathing heavily.

Before anyone else could advance, before he could even think what he was doing, Merlin stretched out his right hand and blasted a hole through the wall of bandits. He put his arm around Arthur and pulled him through. Of course, the king resisted. He wanted to stay and fight with his men, but Merlin could only think about getting him to safety.

The fact that Merlin could overpower Arthur meant that his injury was more serious than it seemed. 

 

*

 

Arthur was ashamed of himself for abandoning his men, but if he had the strength to go back and help them he would. Merlin dragged him along, it was pointless to resist anymore. He could barely hold himself up, the pain was so intense and making him dizzy. He hadn't thought that the wound was that deep, and it hadn't hit any organs. Something was wrong. 

Merlin was so brave. They were making slow progress and he kept looking behind them to see if anyone was coming after them. It would have been so easy to just drop Arthur and run off to his own safety, but he didn't.

Arthur was panting and sweating. He forced his legs to keep moving.

"Merlin..." He kept saying, trying to say how grateful he was for his help, but he couldn't find the words, didn't have the strength - and even now, he didn't want to give Merlin the satisfaction. Anyway, Merlin just shushed him whenever he tried to speak.

They pushed on even after the battle was out of sight and couldn't be heard behind them. When Arthur collapsed, Merlin finally allowed them to stop and rest. He dragged them down a small but steep hill, where a large rock sticking out of the ground would conceal them. 

Arthur noticed Merlin was panting too, and realised how tired he must be from supporting most of his weight for so long, it made him feel guilty.

"Merlin-" Arthur tried again but was cut off by Merlin, who grabbed his face and kissed him hard. It was a shock, but Arthur quickly relaxed into it.

"Don't you dare die, you prat." Merlin breathed when he broke away. Arthur smiled.

It worried him that Merlin frowned when he turned his attention to Arthur's wound. His hand was stuck to his side, wet with blood. He winced when Merlin lifted his armour and shirt to get a better look, despite him being as gentle as possible. The wound wasn't normal, something was wrong.

"I see you met my bandits." A voice rang out, echoing around them until they couldn't tell where it came from. "How did you like them?" Arthur was looking all around, trying to find where it was coming from, because he knew that voice.

Suddenly Merlin tensed up and Morgana was standing in front of them.


	9. Chapter 9

Under no circumstances was Morgana allowed to find out Merlin had magic. If she were to find out, it wouldn't take her long to figure out that he was Emrys, and that would surely cause his death and most likely the destruction of the entirety of Camelot. But for Arthur to die at that moment would be worse than that. Merlin didn't care about revealing himself if it was necessary to save Arthur.

Before Morgana could do anything, while she was still just standing there smiling and gloating, Merlin thrust his hand forward and Morgana flew backwards. She screamed with rage and was back on her feet too quickly. Her eyes glowed as she sent a wave of energy towards Merlin, who had just enough time to place himself in front of Arthur.

The full force of the attack hit him, hard. He suddenly felt drained and found it hard to move. Thinking quickly, he conjured up a wall of flames to buy some time. They wouldn't last long.

"Are you ok?" He asked Arthur, receiving a nod that was grimaced in pain. Merlin noticed he was considerably paler.

The flames were dying now, something on the other side forcing them out. Merlin stood up.

Morgana hadn't moved from where she stood. She was focussing her powers, conjuring a huge whirlwind to put out the flames. Her hair whipped around her, giving her a crazed look.

Merlin countered by throwing her backwards again, it being the only thing he could think of. It effectively broke her concentration and the wind ceased. There was silence until her screams filled the air.

"I should have known it was you. So close to Arthur."

Merlin didn't respond, and didn't move when she started taking steps to the side as if she was going to circle him. He wouldn't move from in front of Arthur.

"I'm going to enjoy killing you, almost as much as I'll enjoy killing Arthur." She practically snarled out his name as her eyes glowed once more.

At first Merlin thought nothing had happened, but then he heard movement from under the leaves on the ground. Rustling, hissing. Half a dozen thin, black snakes emerged from the earth and turned their attention on Merlin. Morgana started laughing.

He had to protect Arthur. There was no way he could just break the spell and get rid of all the slithering creatures at once, no, he had to kill them one by one.

Surprisingly, Morgana made no attempt to stop him. She just stood there while Merlin extinguished her snakes. He figured she was conjuring her next move, but he would have to deal with that when he got to it. One of the slippery reptiles almost escaped his notice and slipped past him to Arthur. He was sweating from concentrating so hard, but he finally killed the last of them. It wasn't a victory, though. Why wasn't Morgana doing anything? She had started laughing again. It quickly became obvious why.

Apparently he hadn't killed the last snake because now more were appearing out of nowhere, popping out of the ground. There was no way Merlin could deal with them all, and Morgana knew that.

He was panicking now, and could feel himself losing control of his powers. It had happened on a few occasions when he was younger, before he learned to control his magic.

The darkness intensified. His hair prickled with static. Morgana stopped laughing. Merlin felt his eyes glow.

With a deafening crash and a blinding light, streaks of lightning struck down on the small clearing where they stood. Merlin focussed as hard as he could and sent all the force he could gather towards Morgana. She was electrocuted by a concentrated streak of lightning, twitching violently before collapsing. She seemed to crumble rather than fall.

Immediately Merlin's attention was back on Arthur - he was sweating, shivering, and so pale.

"Arthur!" he lifted his shirt to inspect the wound again. It didn't look like anything he'd ever seen before, there was no way this was normal. His magic couldn't help here, he needed Gaius.

"What's wrong, Merlin? It's just a cut..." Arthur whispered, voice raw.

"I don't know. I don't know why-"

"Can't you tell a poison blade when you see one?" Came Morgana's voice from behind them. Before Merlin could even turn around he was flung to the side by an invisible force. Something flew past his ear, making a high pitched whistle as it went. Morgana was still on the ground, supporting herself with one arm, the other raised in offence. Merlin lifted the rock closest to her, and with a flick of his eyes, hit her over the head with it. He watched carefully, making sure she wasn't going to get back up again.

"Merlin." A small voice came from behind him.

Merlin's attention snapped back at how wrong he sounded. "Merlin." This couldn't be happening - _he'd won._

But the dagger sticking out of Arthur's chest said otherwise.


	10. Chapter 10

Merlin carried him the whole way back to Camelot. He hadn't found the horses or crossed paths with any knights the entire journey. Not that he had really looked, his only thought was Arthur.

When he entered the citadel he was tired, dehydrated, magic drained, and so close to desperate tears. Arthur was still alive, but barely holding on. With his magic, Merlin had managed to stop the bleeding from Morgana's knife, but not fully heal it. As for the other wound, a poisoned blade was beyond him, he needed Gaius. 

Merlin burst through the door, disturbing the physician from his reading. It was late at night, and lucky he was still awake. Without saying anything, Gaius cleared the table so Merlin could lay Arthur down.

"What happened?"

"Morgana. Morgana's bandits." Merlin pointed to the respective injuries. 

Gaius asked him all the routine questions before he began work. When did it happen, how long has he been unconscious... 

Merlin answered as best he could, silently recalling his last night in the woods when Arthur had almost woken up and all he said was Merlin's name, over and over.

Gaius was focussed in his work, instructing Merlin about crushing herbs and assembling equipment. When there was a lull, Merlin went to find Agravaine. He probably should have told someone earlier that the King had returned and that he was mortally wounded. 

He found Agravaine in Arthur's study, muttering over some letters. Merlin knocked briefly as he entered, remembering just in time to give a small bow. Not all the knights were as casual as Gwaine. 

"Sir, I've brought Arthur back, he's with Gaius as we speak."

From anyone else, Merlin would expect a look of concern at hearing this, but Agravaine seemed unperturbed. 

"Is he alright?" His words didn't match his light tone.

"No, sir. We got separated and faced Morgana alone. He's been mortally wounded." 

Agravaine looked up at least, but still held an emotionless expression. "That's absolutely awful. I'll come and seem him as soon as I have the chance."

Merlin had never hated Arthur's uncle as much as he did now. The King was dying and he didn't care. 

"Did any of the knights make it back? We couldn't find anyone."

"Oh yes, Sir Leon, Percival, Gwaine... that lot." He waved his hand dismissively, as if nearly 40 men hadn't just died in that last few days.

 

*

 

The final bandage had been cut, all the medicine administered. All they could do now was wait. 

With his master unconscious on a table, Merlin didn't have anything to do and so sat with him all night. Occasionally he dabbed Arthur's forehead with a damp cloth.

He fell asleep with his head leaning on Arthur's leg, and woke up stiff and sore. 

That morning they moved him to his chambers where he lay in his bed, looking strange and small small in the huge room.

Merlin stayed with him that day, and that night, and the next day, during which his breathing patterns changed once or twice, but he didn't wake up.

Agravaine had, of course, continued with Arthur's duties, and he did so with a little too much enthusiasm for Merlin's liking. While everyone else was grey-faced, worrying about their King, Agravaine's attitudes and behaviours remained the same as ever. He seemed too pleased with himself. 

 

*

 

Never a word was said over dinner anymore. Merlin and Gaius, over the past couple days, had just eaten in silence, eyes down.

Today was "Merlin's favourite", as Gaius called it. A watery soup with a few vegetables but no real substance to it. Merlin found it hideously symbolic of his life, presently. Finally Gaius slammed his spoon down, causing Merlin to jump and look up, wondering at the interruption to his brood. 

"His wounds are healing. I'm a little insulted at your lack of faith in me."

"It's not you I'm worried about." Merlin sighed, stirring the soup he hadn't started eating yet. "I know the wounds are healing. I just want him to wake up." 

Gaius stared at him for a moment, "We all do."

At that instant there was a sharp knock before the door swung open to reveal Gwenevere, slightly out of breath.

"Gaius, Merlin... He's waking up."

Merlin was on his feet and out the door immediately. Gaius shuffled after him, his old age making Merlin impatient. He had to force himself not to run all the way there, still he walked as fast as he could without leaving Gwen and Gaius behind. 

When Merlin reached his chambers, Arthur was lifting himself into a sitting position. Their eyes met, Merlin froze where he stood halfway across the room. Arthur's arms holding himself up went weak and started wobbling. Gwen rushed over and helped him sit up.

"How are you feeling, sire?" Gaius asked.

"Alive." Arthur croaked, Gwen went to fetch him some water.

"Are you in any pain?" Gaius' tone was professional. Merlin still hadn't moved and Arthur was still staring at him.

"I do have a bit of a headache, actually."

"That's normal, you are very dehydrated."

"How long was I unconscious?" Arthur finally looked away from Merlin in order to question the physician, and Merlin was able to let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

"Four days, sire."

Arthur's eyes widened and he started coughing. Gwen returned with water and a piece of bread.

"You should eat something." She said softly. Arthur nodded, Gwen curtsied and left. Still Merlin didn't move while Gaius checked Arthur's forehead for fever and noted his pulse. He didn't move until they were alone in the room together.

Arthur stared at his hands in his lap as Merlin walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge. He didn't know what to say.

"Thank you," Arthur spoke first, "you saved my life."

"Barely." He dismissed. 

Arthur put his hand over Merlin's and he raised his eyes to meet his gaze. Arthur was tearing up now too. It must have been quite a sight, Merlin thought, to see the King and his manservant crying together on his bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally made it - the last chapter! I just want to apologise for taking to lifetime to actually write it, and also thank anyone who bothered to read this far. You're all amazing and i hope you find $20 on the ground tomorrow.

It took a few days for Arthur to get his strength back, and to convince his uncle that he was well enough to take up his duties again. Lately, Arthur had begun to see reason in Merlin's suspicious attitude towards Agravaine. It was unsettling; and Merlin talking sense was enough to make Arthur question whether perhaps he'd suffered worse than he thought.

There were many matters to be resolved, both big and small, and Arthur settled back into his routine feeling safe with the familiarity - yet another thought that seemed impossible.

Arthur found his wound was healing internally slower than he would have liked. Sometimes he had to carry his weight differently when it acted up, earning concerned looks and warnings to take it easy from Merlin. Honestly, it would really grate on his nerves if it wasn't so damned endearing. 

Arthur was hearing from his people in court in the afternoon, sun shining through the open windows. Mostly it was farmers reporting on the status of grain growth, or peasants looking for work, and while the familiarity may have been comforting, it unfortunately did not aid healing. He grew weary.

A young woman awaited her turn to address the King, looking nervous and avoiding eye contact with anyone. She introduced herself in a quiet voice and stated that she had something dire to report.

"Go ahead," Arthur said patiently.

"I... My village was attacked by a sorceress, your majesty." She stammered, wringing her hands.

"That is truly unfortunate, your people have my full support. Can you provide us with a description of this sorceress?"

"I don't think I need to, my lord, I..." She trailed off. 

Why was she so nervous? Surely she didn't fear Arthur's wrath at learning of sorcery in Camelot, he wasn't his father. The woman before him took several breaths, trying to compose herself with little success and Arthur realised her fear was not of him, but whoever this sorceress was. A thought suddenly occurred to him - 

"It was the Lady Morgana... My lord."

There was silence in the hall. Arthur felt his whole body tense up in reaction to that name as his thought was confirmed. He looked over his shoulder at Merlin who was staring wide-eyed at the bearer of such bad news.

When Arthur had pressed Merlin for details of his face-off with Morgana, he had seized up and looked guilty. He said that they engaged in a heated battle of magic, but that his first priority was getting Arthur to safety. He hadn't been sure if she was left dead or alive, he hadn't cared.

Well, it was confirmed now, and it seemed Camelot would suffer the consequences.

"I thank you for this information. You will be given food and lodging here for the night, and a party will be sent to help your village in any way needed." Arthur kept his poker face, although panic was flaring inside him.

"Thank you, your majesty." The woman curtsied and left.

"I will not be seeing anyone else today." Arthur got up from his throne and Leon approached him.

"Send some knights to that village and search for Morgana's trail."

"Yes, sire." Leon said, bowing slightly before exiting to carry out his orders. Arthur sighed deeply, thinking.

 

 

*

 

 

Merlin cleared away Arthur's dinner plate, and when he returned, Arthur was just staring at him, silently willing him to explain his guilty expression. Merlin felt awful.

"It's my fault," he said, "Morgana-"

"How did I know you were going to try to take the blame for this?" Arthur rolled his eyes. Merlin shifted uncomfortably.

"If I had just-"

"No, I won't hear it," Arthur stared at him again, this time with kind eyes, "You saved my life, Merlin, you did your duty. More than that."

Merlin avoided his eyes, still not convinced. Morgana's words during their fight made it clear she had already figured out his identity as Emrys. That meant both he and, more importantly, Arthur were in a lot of danger. He wanted to tell Arthur about the prophecy, make him understand why this was such a grave situation but he couldn't find the words. His struggle must have shown on his face because Arthur stood up and wrapped him in a hug. 

Merlin leaned easily into his touch and, stealing himself, wound his arms around Arthur's neck and leaned up to kiss him. Arthur accepted him gratefully as the kiss deepened. 

Arthur moved his arms down Merlin's back and slipped both hands under his shirt, causing him to gasp when cool fingers slid over his skin.

The heart working overtime in Merlin's chest just about gave up as Arthur broke the kiss, lifted the piece of clothing over Merlin's head and tossed it over his shoulder where it landed on the floor. Merlin followed its descent with his eyes, flicking straight back up at the first sign of movement.

Arthur pulled his own tunic off and threw it aside as if it was made of the same worthless fabric as Merlin's. He stepped forward and took Merlin's face in his hands and crashed their mouths together roughly, desperately. 

"You should-" Merlin breathed out heavily as Arthur broke away to leave a trail of kisses down his neck, "You should really be getting some rest, you're still recovering from your - injuries."

Merlin moaned as Arthur planted his lips and started sucking on his neck, hard enough to leave a bruise.

"I'm fine." He growled, low in his throat. He ran his tongue over the mark he left and drew his head back up to kiss Merlin who, much to his apparent dismay, moved away looking stern.

Merlin, heart racing with the thought of what was about to happen, placed a hand firmly on Arthur's bare shoulder and guided him to the bed. He thought that Arthur must have known what he was thinking because he didn't resist. 

Arthur lay on his back as Merlin finished undressing them both, and watched the king's eye's rake over him with pure, unashamed  _want._

On the same wavelength now, there was a pause. A perfect moment spanning just enough time for the planets to align, then crash into each other and explode as Arthur flipped their positions, placing himself on top, and with a wink, lowered himself to do unspeakable things involving his mouth and Merlin's cock.

As Arthur worked on Merlin with his wet lips and perfect tongue and his  _hand_ \- Merlin found himself wondering; had he done this before? He almost felt embarrassed about his own lack of experience before it was drowned in pleasure and he was coming down the King's throat.

Arthur swallowed and slowly made his way back to reality, to Merlin.

"Fuck, Arthur-"

"For once in your life, Merlin, shut up. Turn over."

That was obviously an order, and Merlin had no intention of disobeying. 

What followed was a series of sensations that Merlin's life thus far had not prepared him for. (Was that  _oil?_ Why did it feel so -  _fuck -_ good?) Merlin wasn't sure if it could be described as good, but felt the situation perhaps wasn't academic enough to use the word "interesting". 

Either way, he was sure this didn't constitute as rest for Arthur, but he didn't plan on stopping it anytime soon. 

 

 

*

 

 

They lay in each other's arms in the King's bed, listening to the world outside the window. Merlin followed Arthur's breathing until he thought he'd fallen asleep, then moved to get up.

The arms around him tightened, though Arthur didn't stir.

"Where are you going?"

"I thought you'd-"

"Don't be such an idiot."

"But surely Gaius will wonder where I am?"

"Just tell him you were at the tavern." With this Arthur smiled, and Merlin found himself laughing, a little, too as he relaxed back into the bed. 

Merlin wanted to fall asleep, but there was still so many thoughts keeping him awake, clouding his head. It didn't seem fair that there was so much work to be done, affairs to be sorted, and that the weight of so much responsibility fell on their combined shoulders.

"What are we going to do now?"

"About what?" Arthur replied.

"Everything."

"I have complete faith we'll figure it all out." There was a pause, then, "Together."

And just like that, the weight was lifted. Perhaps Arthur, Merlin thought, was really the one with magic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.  


End file.
